I’ve always wanted to go to Thailand since I discovered how delicious Thai food is as a teenager. My friends and I would go to the restaurant named Phuket, which we would giggle about because it sounds like a bad word in English, heh.
In Boise, we had a restaurant called Chiang Mai and it was in a strip mall by the bowling alley and a bar called the Navajo Room. In any restaurant, I would sit and look at the Thai decor, the carved wood, small sparkling mirrors, and metallic embroidered fabrics, and dream about going to Thailand.
When Josh and I came to SE Asia in 2013, I definitely wanted to visit Thailand, and my friend in Singapore was asking, do you want to see some mountain temples of Chiang Mai, feel the energy of Bangkok, or relax on a beach retreat of Phuket? We decided on the beaches of Phuket and had a nice time, but we kind of could have been anywhere… and there were lots and lots of Russians.
In April of this year, I stayed Bangkok for one month to get certified to teach English. I had very little time to do anything except study. I still enjoyed the calm friendliness of the Thai people and the raw chaos of the city.
This trip to Chiang Mai for Fall Break is interesting because it was only an hour and a half flight from Hanoi, like one of the shortest large commercial flights you can take in the U.S., but it is like a dream come true. However, I’ve prepared very little for this trip. We have been expats for a little over a year now, and a trip to Chiang Mai felt like no big deal even though it has been a dream of mine.
There are beautiful temples everywhere. Some are actually quite new. The food was amazing.
Just wandering around, we happened upon Wat Chiang Man and Wat Welu Wanaram.
There has been some heavy rain at night while we have been out exploring, causing us to sit under some random overhang for an hour, just waiting for the deluge to let up a little bit so we can walk back to the hotel and call it a night. It is so nice to be here on a short flight and low budget and just sit and watch the rain. Think of how it would feel if it cost multiple thousands of dollars and was our only two week vacation for the year?
One night we waited for the rain to stop before walking back to the hotel only to find out that we had to walk back through a river in the streets.
We have been walking around town, checking out temples as we come across them, and eating delicious food. There was an enormous sports complex across the street from a Hindu temple, so we wandered over and caught the thrilling end to a tight basketball game between teen boys in uniforms with passionate fans.
We went back to the hotel for a little nap. We got comfortable in the unmade bed as housekeeping had not come yet. As I was about to drift to sleep, I heard the rolling cart coming down the tile hallway. I jolted to tap Josh’s arm and said, “They’re coming.” just as they started knocking on the door. “Housekeeping.”
“Just a minute,” I said loudly.
They knocked louder, “Housekeeping”
“Wait just a minute” I said again as Josh got out of bed to put a robe on.
They knocked even louder, “Housekeepinggg”
“Justaminute, Waitjustaminute,” I kept repeating and Josh is saying it too now. We were just wasting our breath with these meaningless English words as the petite woman unlocks our door and sees Josh as he leaps into the bathroom. She shuts the door again and he comes out in a robe. I say to him, just ask her for more water bottles. I pull the covers over my head and hide in the bed. He opens the door and I hear him ask for more water and I see through the covers a bright light like the door is wide open and I can hear women speaking Thai in my room. They did a full clean/refresh of the room. I peek my head out so they don’t try to make the bed with me in it and look at Josh who is sitting on the couch with his hand under his chin, waiting for them to leave, which they do shortly after they see me and they giggle a little.
“What happened?!” I ask Josh. “We just needed more water. “
“I don’t know, they just came in when I opened the door.”
This will not be the only time a Thai woman barges into our room on this trip.
The “Wellness” Retreat
We rented a couple of motorbikes and zoomed up to Mae Rim, into the mountains about 30 minutes up a main road similar to any old interstate road in the U.S. laid before large highways took their place. Think Mission Blvd in Hayward or Chinden Blvd in Boise if you know what I mean.
I had booked a hotel about five months ago that looked peaceful, had a nice pool, and offered only vegetarian food. Seemed nice. It turned out to be one of the strangest places I have ever stayed at.
When we arrived, the innkeeper family and employees (or guests?) were hanging out on the long covered stone patio with a grand view of the mountains and valley below, they were chit chatting, cleaning, or feeding a small herd of cats.
It was unclear where reception was or how to proceed, and we had seven open doorways to choose from. We kept slowly encroaching in their space with our bags on our shoulders… hoping someone would acknowledge us, and someone finally did after a long time and us saying hello to three people with them nodding in return but giving nothing more.
We were properly greeted by a large older Indian man with tranquil eyes that gazed for too long, a small bandage taped to the top of his head, and a great moss of chest hair growing up out of the top of his shirt. I heard his name as Richie. He informed us our room wasn’t ready yet and to please relax in the dining area. We joined him there with a young Asian woman with perfect winged eyeliner and pink hair.
We all got to talking and Richie asked us why we chose to book his hotel because they mostly host large group retreats and he is curious why an individual would book here. This would be the first of many iterations of people asking us WHY we were at THIS hotel. “Why are you here?” with a big W.
After Richie showed me a map of the area and mentioned his friend would be by later who could give us more information about hiking by the waterfalls, he left to take care of some business.
On the map, it becomes obvious we are in a very popular tourist spot. Near our hotel we can find: a gun shooting range, go-kart/ATV/Side-by-side rentals and driving course, a cobra show, a honey bee farm, a tiger park, an elephant sanctuary, two waterfalls, and a botanical garden.
The pink haired woman with a flat American accent informed us that this place was special and she stays for long stretches and always returns, though she is a nomad, you understand. She is kind of an employee, kind of a guest, mainly a good friend, and she brings groups to retreat here. As she tells us this, several people who look like fitness instructors wander in and out, getting ready to leave as the group retreat has just concluded. It seems we will be practically the only guests here who are not also kind of employees for the next couple of days.
“Why do you think you have come here?” she asks. I told her we were just looking for a quiet place, a respite from the noise and pollution of Hanoi. She tells us that we will probably discover the real reason we are here during our stay.
After eating some delicious mutter paneer, we are given our room key and some much wanted privacy. The room is basic: no TV, no fridge, and a very firm Asian mattress on a solid wood bed frame. The bathroom sink leaks so when you run the tap, your feet get wet and a trail of water leaks across the floor to the drain. The shower surround appears to just be regular mudded drywall with a glossy paint finish. The caulking to the tub has long ago separated from the wall, and so when you stand in the tub, it creaks like the floor underneath is maybe just a hole from moisture rotting away the wood.
The room backs up to what appears on the map as a tiger park. We could hear so many different birds and insects at different hours of the day or night. That was really great. It was like sleeping in the jungle without the bugs touching us. I didn’t see any tigers though.
After settling in our room, we decided to go to the nearest waterfall and see if we can hike a bit. We walked out through the long patio, we walked by all the same people, no one acknowledged us, so we just put our shoes on and exited through the side gate by the six cats. (There are 9 cats in total).
We had a great hike up and down ten cascading falls. The water was reddish chocolate milk and falling forcefully from all the rain. The afternoon sunlight filtering through the thick jungle and mist was amazing.
We returned to the hotel buzzing from the beauty and physical exertion. We walked by folks on the patio again and as we were about to the final doorway, Richie called out to us. It felt like when a teen comes back late and the parent turns on the light just as the kid was almost to the stairs.
“Hey, I knocked on your door many times, you did not wake up. My friend came and was going to talk to you about hiking.” Ritchie said.
“Oh, we left. We went to see the waterfall.” I said. I thought he saw us leave, but I guess not.
It was clear that Richie wanted to know all comings and goings with clear verbal communication, which of course made one want to sneak in and out of my own hotel.
We went to lay down a bit before dinner. We were laying on the hard bed reading when we heard our hotel room door open wide and feel someone standing there. I know you are thinking, again? When are you going to start using the chain lock? I sit up and lean over to see a cleaning lady standing in our doorway looking very confused to see me. She looks up at the number above over door, looks at me, looks in the room, steps forward, hesitates. I come to her and ask, “What’s going on?”
She says, “I’m sorry, I am here to clean.” And comes in to flip on the bathroom light. She is surprised to see a perfectly clean bathroom. She is confused. She apologizes again. She leaves and I chain lock the door.
We come to the dining area for a delicious Indian Thali with various dishes made by the matriarch. The dining ambiance on the patio would be peaceful, except one of the innkeepers is shouting into her phone at the end of the patio, and Richie is having an investor pitch meeting with a woman nearby in English and a person on the computer in another language (Maybe Hindi?). There were a lot of loud voices going at once for a spa retreat setting. We felt like we weren’t supposed to be there. Like their time between groups could just be for doing admin work and taking care of business.
The next morning, we got up early to do pranayama breathing exercises, listen to Buddhist chanting and meditate with Richie. I lost all feeling in both legs as usual. After a bit of waiting for the blood to fully reanimate my legs, Josh and I go to breakfast.
Richie insists a couple of guests left over from the previous group sit with us and get to know each other. The man and woman have just met recently. We learn that they have just finished an ayahuasca retreat and are struggling with reentry to the “normal” world, and the sun is very bright and having a conversation is a challenge. They’ve decided to stay at the retreat for another couple of weeks to a month, to readjust themselves. There are flights to India and Vietnam they each booked that they will not catch. Today, they will go into town for a massage, and the guy insists they find a parlor that offers Reiki healing also to fully remove the trauma from his body with the massage.
He asks us WHY we are staying here at the hotel, what are we looking for? I gave my same answer about peace and quiet. I talked about the waterfall we hiked yesterday. I mention how funny it is that we humans love waterfalls so much when it’s just water running over rocks, and that I will drive or hike for long distances to see one. The man’s face darkens and he is irritated, admonishing me for taking the poetry out of life, and how we could say the ocean is just a vast body of salt water, and that I’m ruining it. We stop talking.
Josh busses our plates and I get up to fill my water bottle. When I return to the table, the guests stop talking immediately and look at me like they weren’t expecting me to come back to the table. I awkwardly put my water down and give a face like, “Sorry to interrupt.” And then the man finishes his sentence,
“…they had met in a previous life, so they already have a connection…”
They don’t trust me with this information. They don’t want me overhearing it.
I decided to leave so they can speak freely.
Josh and I scooted away on our motorbikes and took in as much beautiful mountain jungle nature as possible. The wifi wasn’t working at the hotel so we drove to a rest-stop on the main road. The rest stops we’ve seen in Vietnam and Thailand are something else. They are like retreats in themselves.
Botanical Garden
We visited Queen Sirikit’s Botanical Garden, which had a canopy walk, gorgeous lunch spots, and numerous greenhouses full of some plants I only get to see during fair time in Idaho like orchids, carnivorous plants, one hundred varieties of lotus and water plants, and luscious ferns doing what they have done since the dinosaurs.
The rest of our stay was mostly non-eventful. We felt so observed and under suspicion at the hotel, we don’t really want to use the pool, nor get a massage, and dinner was quick. We wanted to avoid questioning. As we settled in for the night, there was a far away ghostly piano tune that we could hear from our hotel window, playing more into my feeling like we are in The Shining. Why does it have to be a piano?!?
The next morning, the ayahuasca hangover man definitely didn’t sit with us for breakfast. He finishes breakfast quickly and leaves. An American woman we hadn’t seen yet comes to the table and asks, “Did he leave already?”
People nod yes and say “Yes I think so.”
The woman says, “Unbelievable. Where I come from, we clean up after ourselves when we are finished eating.” And she picks up and tosses his dirty napkin on his plate and clears his dishes with a heavy frown.
It seems like ayahuasca makes people irritable. Or maybe they were irritable before and the retreat didn’t work.
I don’t think Josh and I discovered the REAL reason we were staying at the hotel.
We were elated to leave the wellness spa and get a Thai massage at a little place in the strip mall by the bus station before taking off to Chaing Rai, about four hours away.
Chiang Rai
Typically people visit at least three places in Chiang Rai, The White Temple, The Blue Temple, and The Black House. It is nice to do them all in one day as The White Temple and The Black House are two sides of the same coin: the horrors of not living a good Buddhist lifestyle and giving into greed, desire and suffering.
White Temple – Wat Rong Khun
Wat Rong Khun was built in 1997. It is a work of art first, and a temple second. The path starts with sculptures of human suffering. Inside the temple features typical Buddhist artwork, but here it is adorned with portraits of Neo from the Matrix, Sailor Moon, The Terminator, and many more…plus a painting of The World Trade Center explosion. Unexpected. It is about the evils of greed and desire. Photography was not allowed inside.
As tourists walk up the pathway to the main temple, a voice on the intercom gives instructions to keep moving. Do not stop to take a nice photo of yourself in front of the temple. A voice with no body singles people out, “Lady in the green: keep moving. Do not stop.” It is strange to be surrounded by surreal imagery, pure white structures with little sparkles, and being yelled at by an unseen authority. The man with no eyes.
Art Cave at the White Temple
We were surprised to find this little feature near the back of the grounds. An extra cost of about $2 to see the art cave. Lots of demons, skulls, fish, AND Covid-19 spores hanging down from the ceiling. As you exit, an alien with a walkie-talkie is pointing at the back of your head. You wouldn’t see him unless you turn back. Absolutely awesome.
Blue Temple – Wat Rong Seur Ten
Wat Rong Seur Ten was completed in 2016 and designed by the same person who did The White Temple. We had lunch across the street and ate delicious pad thai while looking at it.
Black House – Baan Dam Museum
The structures on the grounds were built over the span of 40 years, with the last completed in 2009. This area belonged to Thawan Duchanee, a prolific Thai artist.
This was probably my favorite stop on the whole trip. It was so completely weird.
I regret not having enough time to go up to the “Golden Triangle,” the mountainous region where Myanmar, Thailand, and Laos meet. The borderlands have been an area of contention for a millenia, most recently as the hotbed of opium production. One can stay at a 5 star resort and view once-violent mountains from an infinity pool.
Chiang Mai for One More Day
Wat Chedi Luang
There is A LOT going on at the Wat Chedi Luang. The old temple was finished in the 15th century. New temple is currently under renovations. Foreigners are charged money to enter, which is unusual for a Buddhist temple because it is not in line with the principles of the faith.
The ancient city pillar is located at this site also. Women are prohibited from seeing the city pillar because they ruin and humiliate the sanctity of the pillar due to menstrating. Women or tank-top-wearing men seeing the pillar may cause social instability. However, that doesn’t keep the ticket office from charging everyone the same fee.
(Hint: you don’t have write all this on the sign Chiang Mai, just write: “Women are not allowed due to local customs.” Geez. Make us feel bad.)
Josh decided not to see the city pillar either.
Lastly, there were robot skeletons hanging out around a casket under a tent.
Wat Pra-singh Woramahawihan
The temple at Wat Pra-singh is beautiful like all the rest, but the real show near the back of the expansive grounds. Large gold stupas with elephants emerging from four directions.
Chiang Mai is a spirtual place and incredibly beautiful. For Josh and I coming from Hanoi, it was incredibly peaceful and quiet. The cuisine was outstanding, and the Thai people are so chill and nice. I definitely want to go back and see more of the region like the national parks, hotsprings, and hike to the mountain temples.
Casey Space 
Leave a comment